End of Semester Summary

Misaneroth sent me an article titled "The Juilliard Effect: Ten Years Later" This in a large part sums up part of what this semester has been for me. I have never been so completely involved that I didn't keep other options(in a way). Let's face it, if I had the opportunity to play with an well-known orchestra, I would do that in a heartbeat. Yet, knowing exactly what this can involve, the risk, the time, the relations, the personality, I decided I'd do the music education degree and play like a performance major. I've pretty much held to this until this semester. And to a degree I still hold to that. Yet my focus has shifted quite a bit this semester. My long-term carrier goals at the beginning of the semester involved performing in an orchestra while teaching at the college level. Much the same as my teacher here. If you had asked me why, at that point I would said because I like music. Could I have given you a better answer than that, maybe, but it definitely wouldn't have come from my heart as much as what you would want to hear. I had no purpose to taking that route. If you've read my blog for a while, you've probably seen that shift. So I don't repeat myself, let's just say I've got a different outlook now and there is a purpose behind it, a love behind it, and a philosophy behind it, which was never there before. I was talking with a grad student about music philosophy and other related subjects at the band banquet, she congratulated me on finding that sense of purpose that so often evades music majors who just love music and do it just because of that.

Now this has caused some things to change for me. I no longer desire to practice so many hours on my tuba as I have done in the past. It was a huge struggle for me this semester to play the amount I did. It was sheer self-discipline that I did it. My passion has left that aspect of music. Why? It was serving no purpose. If I taught any grade level between K-12(K-5th is specifically what I would want to teach), my musicianship is developed to the point that there is no further need for me to work on the technicalities of the tuba. I still enjoy it, yes, but there is no passion there, however ignorant it might have been previously. I just hope to hold out till my senior recital in March. In a way, I'm glad I lost my job last summer or else I would have spent another $7,000 for another instrument that at this point, would be useless.

Another reason of that has caused this shift of thought is just my performance abilities. I don't understand why, but any time I am in a solo situation or an audition situation, my playing has consistently been subpar. For concert band auditions, I'm always about two chairs below where my true musicianship is. My last two juries have been poorly executed and sightreading terrible. I still get an A-, but that is unacceptable. I don't know why, I'm never nervous, it's just things never work out for me in those situations. In the practice room, I am great, things work well. The other students in the studio here have heard me, and know where I'm at. My work ethic for practicing is also the best in the studio and usually the most improved of all of them, I can just never execute it for when the situations are critical.

Well, so it's definitely been a useful semester and one that I've learned a lot and my life has gone a slightly different direction from where I thought it would go, but I'm glad it's gone the direction it's gone and that I have a sense of purpose to what I'm doing, instead of just liking it for what it is.

If you've read the article, what I'm curious about is to see how many other majors are as bad at not keeping their majors employed in that field.